How to respond if your child comes out (and show your LGBTQ+ child support)
As all parents know, raising kids is never easy. There’s no one-size-fits-all manual to ensure happiness and success for your child (no matter how many get published), because every family has their own unique experiences and challenges.
So how do you respond and support your child, if they come out?
Love, no matter what
The single most important thing is to let your child know they are loved and supported. First and foremost, kids want to feel safe, and that’s your #1 job.
No matter how you are feeling (surprised, sad, scared, angry, all of the above), realize it took A LOT of courage for your child to open up to you. What they most need is to know you still love them and that they are safe.
If you’re not sure what to say, a hug can go a long way, or simply thank them for telling you.
What to say…
“I love you.”
“I accept you.”
“Thank you for trusting me.”
“How can I support you?”
“I will always be here for you.”
Keep your own emotions in check with your child
It is perfectly normal for you to experience a strong range of emotions when your kid comes out. But as a parent, it’s your job to protect your child. For most LGBTQ+ kids, coming out, especially to parents and family, is full of fear of rejection or change.
Your feelings are valid, and may be very complicated and confusing, but as parents we need to find our own resources and support groups, away from our children. Talk privately to a therapist, a trusted family member or friend. Find a local or online community of other parents of LGBTQ+ kids.
What NOT to say…
“This is just a phase”
“I knew all along”
“You should be ashamed.”
“I don’t know who you are anymore.”
“I don’t want to talk about this.”
Be open, patient and curious
Once your child has come out, remember you are on a journey together. Be open, and let them guide, but do your best to keep communicating.
Check in with them about their day, their friends, their interests. Small conversations can lead to deeper conversations. Make sure they feel safe and supported.
Even small efforts, like using preferred pronouns, or being open to learning about a love interest, can go a very long way. You’re still the parent, and you set the tone in your home and are a role model for your child.
Educate yourself
Help yourself, your child, and your family on this journey by learning more about gender identity, sexual orientation. Knowledge is power, and we can always grow together.
For more information, check out these great resources…